alyssaleolani1@gmail.com's

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I slipped on the Ice

I slipped on the ice. This phrase came from the deep archives of my mind and surprised me when it resurfaced. But it was the only way I could describe how I was feeling in the psychiatrist’s office. I slipped on the ice.  When I lived in Russia 10 years ago, I met a babushka (a Russian grandma) who told me a story I would never forget.  Babushka Galya was terrified of falling down. In the winters, Baba Galya prayed...

The Awkward Dancer part 1

I have always been in awe of dancers. Every dancer I’ve observed seems to have this unique ability to get lost in the music, and retreat into a different world. I’ve always envied their power to shut out everything around them for no matter how hard I have tried, I can never seem to get there. I’ve always known that I have the potential to dance, but for some reason I have never been able to get my rigid limbs...

The Awkward Dancer part 2

Cont. from Part 1. Thinking that maybe the mood swings and depression episodes were connected to the traumatic experience of teaching our son with autism how to speak and function for 2 years and then dealing with a very challenging defiant 3 year old, I began to see a therapist. With his wise and loving nature, it didn’t take him long to recognize that this was more than a trauma from challenging circumstances. Something was off.  Just a few weeks...

Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day   A year ago, on Mother’s Day, I sat in a church meeting surrounded by other women in Los Angeles, California. A teacher was at the front of the room doing her best to give an uplifting lesson about the importance of motherhood and womanhood, but I was distracted. I was reflecting on my journey as a mom. Exhaustion and stress weighed me down in my chair as I struggled to pay attention. There was gratitude and love...

The Sound Of Love

I have always wondered what love sounds like. I know what it looks like, and I know what it feels like, but if I could pin down a sound for love, what would it be? I grew up in a house full of kids which meant we had a noisy house all the time. There would be frequent chats in the kitchen at midnight where all the hungry teenagers would gather with my Mom, and we would all recap the...